I’ve recently had to make a very tough decision not to compete in March as I had planned. It was a tough call for me to make because I have invested so much time and effort into this process and come so far, so I didn’t want to let my hard work go to waste. But when pressures arose to start doing things I wasn’t comfortable with and I felt were not consistent with my overall health, I had to swallow my pride and step away from competition prep.

Throughout this entire process, my health has been and still is my utmost priority. I said from the beginning I would never sacrifice my health for aesthetics. Although it killed me to submit to not achieving the goal I had originally set myself, I know how important it is to do what’s right for my health and to always follow my gut instincts.

The training I’ve been doing for comp prep has been great – it challenges me and I’ve seen good results so far. The diet has been strict but full of healthy, whole foods and I haven’t been restricting the amount of food I eat at all. I’ve been happy with the results I’ve seen so far and overall, it has been a rewarding experience.

However I’ve come to realize that in preparing for a competition, there are many different methods that trainers use to get competitors ready for the stage. There are different diets, different training methods, different supplements, different ‘peak week’ techniques, etc. All of these methods seem to work, but not every method will suit every individual.

When my trainer started talking about taking supplements to start changing the balance of hormones in my body and get me lean for the stage, I instantly felt uncomfortable (note – they are not roids or anything, they are entirely legal supplements, I just didn’t think they would be good for my health). I went home to research the supplements that had been suggested to me, which is not unusual – I research everything before I put it in my body. Although I didn’t find any big warnings not to take it online, what I did find is very little research to support its use, and if anything a few recommendations that females should not use the product. There were no real conclusions either way as to whether it was safe or unsafe, however the fact there was so little information available to me on it and no information on potential long term effects of its use was enough for me to choose not to put it in my body.

In the midst of this uncertainty over these supplements (which for the record, I was not taking nor intending to take), I then had an allergic reaction to one of the completely natural herbal supplements I was already on. Although this supplement was just a natural combination of herbs, it caused a horrible rash all over my arms and face. It seems that this was just a reaction to the milk thistle the supplement contained, but it was the last straw for me. I took that as a warning sign, and I knew then that I was no longer going to take those supplements or any new ones for that matter.

I am not a big fan of taking supplements as it is, but I can see the benefit of supplementing with vitamins and minerals that you are deficient in (and cannot obtain enough of through food alone). This is especially the case when you’re training very hard and preparing for a comp where you need your body in peak condition. However, when it starts getting into relatively new supplements with little research and little knowledge of consequences later in life, I’m not willing to take any risks. If it takes me longer to achieve my goal, if I have to train harder, if I have to add in cardio, that’s all fine; but I won’t put anything in my body that I’m not 100% sure is consistent with my health.

Not everyone takes a heap of supplements to compete. However, where I chose to train, that is the method they use. I definitely don’t question that it works – they’ve got some great results with clients and got many competitors to look fantastic on stage! But this method is not for me. It’s completely possible that the supplements are safe and will have no long-term effects on my health, but I’m just not willing to take that chance to look good on a stage for ten minutes.

Pulling out from the competition was such a hard decision for me to make because I didn’t want to feel like a quitter. I have been training hard, put a lot of time and effort into food prep, and made many sacrifices in my social life for this competition and didn’t want my hard work to be for nothing. I’m also a very determined person and the idea of not achieving a goal kills me inside a little! But the fact of the matter is the actual competition has never mattered to me. I’m not overly fussed about getting up on stage in a bikini and high heels (if anything I was actually dreading that part of it!). The reason I set the goal to compete was just to keep me on track by having a set date and time that I needed to achieve my goal by. In that respect, it has already achieved its purpose. I’ve worked hard, I’ve stuck to it and I’ve got some fantastic results so far. I’ve still got a long way to go, but my transformation certainly doesn’t end here! I plan to keep training hard, add in some HIIT cardio and mix up my diet so I can have some more balance and flexibility but still get results. Although I’m still determined to keep improving, I’m happy that without a deadline I can add more balance into my life. It’s possible I will still compete one day, but if and when I do, it will be without all the supplements and using a method that puts my conception of holistic health at the forefront.

I’ve also learnt so much from this experience. I’ve learnt about manipulating food to achieve a goal. I’ve learnt new training methods. I’ve learnt how strong I can be – both physically AND mentally. And most importantly, I’ve learnt how important it is to never lose sight of your values and always stand up for what you believe in, no matter what others may say.

I admit that in the past few months with working full time and either training or cooking in every spare minute, my social life has really suffered. Even when I go to social events and don’t eat the food or bring my own food to eat, it’s hard not to feel socially isolated. It’s fun to enjoy a meal out with friends, and you can usually find healthy options on most menus. I definitely miss this aspect of life and I welcome it back with open arms now that I don’t have a pending competition!

Since I made this decision two weeks ago, I’ve started mixing up my diet, planning it all myself with a focus on tracking my calories and macros while still eating healthy, clean foods. This is allowing me some flexibility to eat out and/or just eat some of the foods that make me happy e.g. Greek yoghurt and berries are back on the menu! I’ve been doing this for 2 weeks now and appear to be getting leaner, which is very exciting! I’m hoping it continues to work, as it is a much more sustainable lifestyle and I can enjoy myself while still achieving my goals. Bring on less restriction with solid results! 🙂

This was a tough blog post to write, in light of it being a hard and emotional decision for me to make. But it has only made me stronger, standing up for my values despite pressures to take the easy way out to get to the stage and avoid damage to my ego. As they say, it’s about the journey not the destination, and I honestly wouldn’t change a thing about this experience. It has been a fantastic learning curve and a good test of my strength in the face of adversity.

After a full on few months and an emotional few weeks surrounding this decision, so I’ve just booked a spontaneous trip to Byron Bay for the long weekend! This holiday will allow me to take some much-needed time out and take a break from what was such a rigid routine. It’s important to take time out and relax, and do what’s good for your soul. After all, looking after your mind is a very important aspect of health that should never be neglected. 🙂

With love,
B. xx

Image: zerodean.com