I’m currently 3 weeks into my official comp prep and sitting just under 9 weeks out. The last few weeks have been the toughest yet, trying to stay disciplined through Christmas and New Years and finding myself having to make a lot more sacrifices to stay on track as it gets closer to game day. It’s been mentally challenging, and combined with the fact my latest body composition result was less than desirable left me feeling disheartened and questioning whether it’s all worth it.

My body composition test from last week showed I had lost muscle and gained fat. It wasn’t a huge difference, but it certainly wasn’t progress. Going backwards was disheartening, as I had spent the 3 weeks focused and strict, and yet I had no results to show for it. I had just spent the ‘silly season’ being so disciplined, not indulging in any of the treats littered across every table at home, at family events and in the staff room, and I was proud of myself for sticking it out. Yet I had still gone backwards. I thought perhaps just the smell of junk food can make you gain weight? (Disclaimer: I’m joking).

It got me thinking what’s the point in being so disciplined if you have nothing to show for it? Comp prep is hard work. It takes discipline and mental strength, and it really does consume your life even when you try not to let it. When you’re working that hard to achieve something, you want some results to show for it!

I usually don’t weigh myself or care about numbers – I just care about how I feel. I guess in a way competing forces you to care about numbers, but I decided that I should still focus on how I am FEELING. Although the results said I have lost muscle, I FEEL like I have put on size, particularly through my shoulders and back. In fact, a lot of my dresses no longer zip up over my back, and my jackets don’t fit over my shoulders! Perhaps the numbers didn’t reflect that, but they aren’t everything. The fit of my clothes is showing progress, and that’s what I need to focus on.

During the Christmas period I have certainly felt like I’m missing out by competing. I value balance in my life, and preparing for a comp is definitely not balanced. You can try and make it so, but as the comp gets closer it takes up more and more time making sure you’re always prepared, and you do have to start making sacrifices. Feeling like I’ve been lacking balance has really got me down recently, missing out on social events because there’s just too much temptation and not being able to go on holidays with friends because I would need to take all my meals. I must admit this is not a lifestyle that I desire permanently for myself or promote to anyone, as it does take the fun out of healthy living a bit. In saying that, it’s not a lifestyle choice, it’s a temporary means to achieve my goal. And for that reason, I’m going to stick it out even when the going gets tough.

Lacking motivation, I let my mind wander to why I started this journey. These are some of the reasons I started this journey:

1. I wanted a challengeI wanted to push myself to the next level of fitness. I’m not competing to win, I’m competing against myself. I needed a goal – a time and a place by which I had to achieve something. Having an end date for me is the best way to really stick to something. It’s easy to say; “oh I’ll just start next week” or “one bad meal won’t hurt”, but when you have a short time limit, those things will make a difference. The fact I’m going to have to stand on stage in a bikini in front of a lot of people in a few weeks is daunting enough to keep me focused in that respect.
2. I wanted to understand the discipline it takes for people to drastically change their body.I’m currently studying to be a Personal Trainer. I’ve had a few people say that “you don’t have to compete to be a PT”. Well yes, I’m aware of that. However, one thing I strongly believe is that you should never take advice from a PT who doesn’t practice what they preach. For example, would you take weight loss advice from an overweight trainer? If they can’t lose weight themselves, how are they going to get YOU to lose weight? Now I know I don’t need to lose weight, so I wanted to set myself a goal that required the same amount of discipline that an overweight client would need to lose weight. I wanted to really understand what clients go through. Losing 20kg is hard and takes discipline. Getting down to 10% body fat as a female is also hard and takes discipline. Sure it’s a different outcome, but the discipline and mental challenge behind it is all the same. I’ve achieved plenty of fitness goals in my training so far before competing, but pushing myself hard in the gym is easy for me – I love the feeling. I wanted to do something that I knew I would find really hard, and put myself in my future client’s shoes.

The biggest challenge in all of this is controlling my mind. Temptation is everywhere. I have to walk through the supermarket with tunnel vision to avoid the chocolates at the end of every aisle. I find myself craving things I wouldn’t usually even eat e.g… a tub of ice-cream would go down a treat! At the moment if it’s something sweet, I want to eat it. In my regular, balanced lifestyle (which I’m very much looking forward to returning to by the way) I eat a wide variety of healthy foods and find that I rarely crave junk foods. It’s funny how imposing more restriction on yourself just makes you want to rebel against it. You know the saying “you only want what you can’t have”? Well, turns out it doesn’t just apply to the opposite sex – it applies to food too! When I wasn’t competing, technically I could have eaten ice-cream any time I wanted… but I didn’t want to. Now, I would kill for some!

I guess the lesson I have learnt these past two weeks is when you’re feeling weak and feeling like giving up on your goal, REMEMBER WHY YOU STARTED. Learn to control your mind, so it doesn’t control you. Your mind can either be your greatest asset or your greatest enemy. If you change the way you think and perceive things, you can change the way you feel and the energies you attract. My focus is not to look at my journey like I CAN’T have those naughty foods that my mind is telling me I want, but focus on the fact that if I stick to the process I CAN have that lean, muscular physique that I desire! For every negative thought, there is an equal and opposite POSITIVE one. Next time you catch yourself thinking in the negative, reverse it! I guarantee you will put out positive energies and attract positive outcomes because of it. 🙂 It’s all about ruling your mind, so that your mind doesn’t rule you!

With love,
B. xx